As a dominant woman I have encountered all kinds of different submissive people. I personally enjoy a sweet daunting submissive. I am not really into inflicting pain to people though I am capable of it with no remorse. As a more seductive and sensual Goddess I tend to get annoyed by SAM’s. A SAM is someone that enjoys causing problems to the point that they are punished. This is the male equivalent to a brat. They go out of their way to annoy their Mistress or Master. They intentionally do things that they know will enrage their dominant partner. This is not part of a play session. It is more of drama look at me and then punish me thing. For dominant people that enjoy just being overly aggressive and punishing incessantly it might be enjoyable. For those of us that enjoy the more sensual side of things it quickly loses the appeal and boredom of the situation sets in. SAM’s are not about pleasing someone they are instead about making someone irritated to the point of angry then acting like they do not understand what the problem is. In a lot of ways they are extremely passive aggressive to the degree of blaming the dominant person. I have seen SAM’s do things like blaming the dominant person for everything and saying such statements as ‘I can never do anything right’ or ‘you always find fault in me’. A person on the outside of the situation can easily identify that the submissive person is breaking rules in order to illicit a response then becoming upset at the response. This can be a very upsetting relationship for a dominant as they are trying to create stability and SAM’s are always trying to undo that stability. It tends to not be a loving relationship but more of pull of power back and forth with the use of guilt as the main determinating factor. For a dominant person that is just looking for a way to punish someone they might find some enjoyment out of this. For most dominant people it is a dangerous situation to be involved in. With a loving submissive/dominant relationship there is always that understanding of what the submissive is wanting. In a SAM relationship that level of security is missing. Most dominant people including myself avoid these types of relationships because of the level of frustration and the degree of insecurity of the submissive’s actual position.
One of the really great things about playing online or phone sex is that we can have the fantasy we desire. I can do really horrid awful things to your testicles as many times as I like. There is no real world consequences and we can replay that scene over and over. In the real world that is not the case. When you play with someone it should be something that grows in intensity over time. You need a high level of trust that the person who is in charge will always have your best interest at the fore thought of their mind. We have all known that one person who you never were quite sure what they were going to do from one moment to the next. While this is great for fantasy having real life issues that never go away is not so great. You want the person you are playing with to be sane that is an important attribute for them to have. Safety is a huge thing when it comes power exchange there are some basic rules and common sense goes a huge ways in this. Being set up for whatever can happen. A way to untie or cut someone free is crucial for any form of bondage play especially when dealing with rope, pantyhose, tape or other form of slow release. Is the person you are with sober because having someone tied up and passing out is completely unacceptable as well as a scary way to spend a night. Recreational ingestion of substances should be left to nights where both parties have freedom of movement. Non consensual is a wonderful fantasy that a lot of people have being kidnapped by an evil mistress is something I hear a lot from guys. This is never okay in the real world though because going to jail after a night of play does not go as planned will ruin far more than one night. There are ways to add elements of crossing these lines after a very large amount of trust has been earned it is never okay to do with a new person no matter what the terms of the relationship are. A professional mistress should know better and a lifestyler should respect their partner enough to never want to endanger that relationship. It can be hard to find someone that plays in the same circles you play in so respecting their wants, safety, and their limits is always the most important element.
Have you ever had a play session go bad? Tell me about it in the comments below.
Total power exchange refers to the D/s relationship dynamic where the Dominant is now responsible for all decisions. In My case, I am referring to someone who is serving Me and in the course of Our time together agrees to abide by My rules and commands. This is a bit different from an Absolute Power Exchange that I have with personal slaves. Personal slaves submit and serve on a much deeper level and I require much more authority on many aspects of their life. Some of these aspects include chastity, sexual activities and how they spend their time.
Total Power Exchange
Also referred to as TPE this exchange of power where I now have control and authority is paramount for My excitement and enjoyment.
First and foremost, it is all about the level of control which should be no surprise to anyone! The more control I have, the more exciting it is for Me. I am not talking just about physical control but the controlling of a submissives thoughts, desires and actions! It is all about the reprogramming and manipulating and seducing someone into doing what I want them to! After all, the secret to domination is making you want what I want!
I am not referring to beating someone into submission. In reality, almost anyone can do that. I am referring to the mental and intellectual effort that it takes to get inside someone’s head! When that happens, well, that is where the true power and control is!
There are a variety of ways that I can accomplish this level of control. One is by erotic hypnosis and mind control which can be a very powerful tool. Two is by seduction. Women have been seducing men since the dawn of time. By listening as well as reading a submissives body language I can learn just what excites him and arouses him to the point that he will do anything that I command. Learning his fetishes such as leather, high heels, stockings, I can use this knowledge to dominate, seduce and manipulate.
As I tell My submissives, total power exchange is about complete surrender. Surrendering yourself and giving up your personal power. Letting go and submitting to My wants, needs and desires. There is truly a freedom in this surrender.
There are many layers to a dominant and submissive relationships and there are many different kinds of relationships. A lot of people think that being a submissive means being humiliated and physically harmed. Where there are some submissive’s that enjoy this or maybe even enjoy it on occasion, the majority of sub missives are not like that at all. Some dominants want a submissive that has to be broken that they have to beat into submission. There are also submissive people who don’t want to be full time they only want to experience that every once in awhile. For me this is not what I want. A number of you that talk to me know that I want a submissive to want to be under my control. I get annoyed with having to break someone. I do not mind giving instructions or even discipline when required. I do not want to have to force someone under my control though. I have dismissed both in person playmates and phone sex playmates when they want me to mentally, physically and emotionally break them down. I am not sadistic by nature I can be wicked at times but I do not enjoy hurting people I care for. If I do not care for someone then the gloves are off and I do not feel regret nor remorse. I have a high degree of respect for my submissive I want to take them to a new level of desire and submission. If someone claims to be my submissive then I demand that they work hard to learn everything about me. I want them to learn to serve me without my micro managing their every move. I get a number of guys that tell me ‘I am submissive I will do anything to be your real live in slave’ and I ask what would you do for me. The reply is always ‘what would you ask of me’. That is not a submissive that is being passive aggressive. A real submissive which I have had the joy of having in my life goes of out of their way to find things to make their dominant happy. I should never have to ask what you are going to do for me. It should be something you show in every action towards me. Someone that I consider my submissive will always go above and beyond to make my life easier and happier.
Have you ever been in a full time dominant submissive relationship? If so tell me about it in the comments below.
I have been studying domination and submission for over thirty years now and the misunderstanding of the relationship between the two is astonding to me. I have only been doing phone sex, camming and amatuer movies for seven years. There is a huge adulteration of the relationship in the industry. I have been kicked out of Mistress sites because I did not follow their rules of what a Mistress should be. I am in and have always been in a loving dominate relationship that is what I crave whether it be male or female in nature. I do not live my life through a heavy hand but when I set the rules I demand that they be followed. I enjoy laughing and having a good time with the people I am with. I do not have to be in complete control all the time in fact there are a lot of times I do not honestly care. One of the major differences between my philosophy of dominate and submissive and the online version is that I am a lifestyler. I have a life that is far more encompassing than just bedroom play. I want my submissives to have happy lives and while I will push their limits I do not go beyond those limits I respect them. While a short term fantasy is a wonderful thing it should never be confused with real life. I often get men that call me saying they want to be a full time live in slave. I have no issue with that there are many people that live that way. But these men have zero understanding of the realities of that life they want a woman to take away everything their family, their friends, their money, their hole self worth. This might make for a great weekend fantasy or for a novel, however, it will not work in the real world. For those that live the life style understand that at the end of the day it is the submissive that is in control of the relationship. It is their level of desire to submit (not be controlled) which creates the wonderful dynamic of this form of relationship. While there is some fun in forced submission play people can not live a day to day life like that it becomes physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. A submissive has to want to serve and must go out of their way to serve for them to be dominated long term.
Tell me your thoughts on the paradox of power exchange in the comments below.